Written by Ann Brennan
When I describe Ann’s Running Commentary to people I tell them it is an inspirational and motivational blog for runners. Unfortunately, I have been neither inspirational or motivational for a few weeks now. I have not even sat in front of the computer for fear of creating a post of pure negativity. In a nutshell, I have been a complete Debbie Downer for quite some time now.
My thoughts and even my vocabulary have been full of can’t, will never, and too’s.
I am too fat, too slow, too hardheaded, too lazy and too busy.
I will never qualify for Boston, lose this weight or feel like myself again.
I can’t get today’s run in and I am sure I won’t be able to get tomorrow’s run in.
And as you would expect my actions have followed my words. I haven’t lost the weight because I haven’t gotten my runs in. I haven’t gotten faster. I haven’t enjoyed the runs that I have gotten in and to be honest I have taken this negativity to such a degree that I can’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore.
How the hell did I get here? Well, clearly, we have had a lot going on in our lives and the healthy, confident Ironman of two years ago is just a distant memory.
Or is she? Today, I received my morning update from Coach Jeff and I refused to look at it. Not because I wanted to avoid working out but because I was afraid he would suggest a weights workout or a swim or a bike and I was absolutely chomping at the bit to run. I did beat myself up for the first few miles of my five mile run but then, right in the middle of the run I noticed these beautiful flowers and I stopped to take a photo and suddenly I realized, I love running in the Spring. Suddenly, I had a positive thought and with that one positive thought, I found myself running faster and more confidently. I stood taller and had a smile on my face.
I don’t know if this is the push I needed back to the lighter side of running, but I am hopeful. I cannot wait to run tomorrow. I am excited about the plan Coach Jeff has laid out for me and although I am still nervous about the plan to qualify for Boston this fall, I am more confident than I was yesterday or the day before or the day before that. And that is a step in the right direction.
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