I Hate My Friends

I have tried to put on a brave face.  I have tried to be nice and positive and maintain my composure but this past weekend pushed me over the limit.  I hate my friends.  Okay, I know they are super nice and they are always there for me and tomorrow I will probably love them again.  But today I hate them.  I hate them because this weekend, I was reminded how much I love running.  I was reminded how much I loved completing Ironman.  And I was reminded that those things are right out for me from now on.

I hate my friends.

Yes, I know, I few weeks back I wrote a whole post on how it is okay.  In Saving My Bucket List I wrote about how I will move on by volunteering for races. But today, today I HATE MY FRIENDS.

Today I am focused on Dana, Caitlin, John "Be The Hammer" Young, Grandma Noreen and Ali Rochelle who all kicked ass at Ironman Maryland even in the pouring rain, on a flooded course with winds that nearly blew them over.  I am focused on how they persevered even in the toughest of conditions and how I didn't because I can't.

Today I am focused on Lara and Jen who had a blast running together at the Wineglass Marathon in NY.  I am seething a bit about my friends Sandy and Karen B. who finished one of my favorite races, the Metric Marathon on a near perfect fall day.  I am hating my friends Karen and Rose Mary who ran the Yeungling Octoberfest 5k in cute little costumes, looking like hot mamas having so much fun that I couldn't ignore their posts.

I am pouting and cranky and angry and grumpy.  I am beside myself with self pity and I am just going to wallow in it. So there.

But I am proud.

But as mad as I am, I am so very proud of each and every one of these friends.  I am so very proud of them for pushing through the crappy weather for the Ironman. I am proud of them for keeping their heads up even as the race made changes every few hours.  I am proud of my friends for signing up, for training and for being there, together and on their own. I am proud that I have built a community of friends that accomplish so much and inspire so many.

I can't deny that I am jealous.  That I am a little heartbroken.  That I do hate my friends a little.  I love them but today I hate them too.