I Hate My Friends
I have tried to put on a brave face. I have tried to be nice and positive and maintain my composure but this past weekend pushed me over the limit. I hate my friends. Okay, I know they are super nice and they are always there for me and tomorrow I will probably love them again. But today I hate them. I hate them because this weekend, I was reminded how much I love running. I was reminded how much I loved completing Ironman. And I was reminded that those things are right out for me from now on.
I hate my friends.
Yes, I know, I few weeks back I wrote a whole post on how it is okay. In Saving My Bucket List I wrote about how I will move on by volunteering for races. But today, today I HATE MY FRIENDS.
Today I am focused on Dana, Caitlin, John "Be The Hammer" Young, Grandma Noreen and Ali Rochelle who all kicked ass at Ironman Maryland even in the pouring rain, on a flooded course with winds that nearly blew them over. I am focused on how they persevered even in the toughest of conditions and how I didn't because I can't.
Today I am focused on Lara and Jen who had a blast running together at the Wineglass Marathon in NY. I am seething a bit about my friends Sandy and Karen B. who finished one of my favorite races, the Metric Marathon on a near perfect fall day. I am hating my friends Karen and Rose Mary who ran the Yeungling Octoberfest 5k in cute little costumes, looking like hot mamas having so much fun that I couldn't ignore their posts.
I am pouting and cranky and angry and grumpy. I am beside myself with self pity and I am just going to wallow in it. So there.
But I am proud.
But as mad as I am, I am so very proud of each and every one of these friends. I am so very proud of them for pushing through the crappy weather for the Ironman. I am proud of them for keeping their heads up even as the race made changes every few hours. I am proud of my friends for signing up, for training and for being there, together and on their own. I am proud that I have built a community of friends that accomplish so much and inspire so many.
I can't deny that I am jealous. That I am a little heartbroken. That I do hate my friends a little. I love them but today I hate them too.