Right Now

I missed my run this morning. After a tough night of tossing and turning and, to be completely honest, worrying, I just could not pull myself out of bed. Even as I brushed my teeth I began beating myself up about missing this run, telling myself I am never going to lose the weight if I let this happen, telling myself that I will never qualify for Boston this way. At breakfast I received a message about a meeting I knew was coming but had been trying to ignore. Apparently, it has been scheduled for this afternoon. I immediately went further into worry mode. I have said it before, worrying is what I do. But I think the universe is an interesting place because it always seems to knock me upside the head just when I need it. Today it came in the form of this video.

Boy did I need this. I never live in the right now. I seldom stress over what happened yesterday but I totally stress over what will happen next. Of course I say this just moments after writing about not doing my morning run. Not doing that run will bother me for the rest of the day. I will beat myself up about it until tomorrow morning comes and I can finally get the run in. Wait, here I go again talking about what I will be doing this afternoon, worrying. The truth is that this afternoon is not set in stone. I do not know what God or the Universe has planned for me. I do not know where or if I will be this afternoon. Nothing is guaranteed.

So right now, in this moment, I am going to practice “right now.” Right now I am going to enjoy Zane’s sweet little voice as he tells me about his latest invention. I am going to enjoy watching Rocky sleeping and the knowledge that Meg is still sleeping peacefully in her bed. I am going to enjoy the smell of my coffee, the pain in my muscles from yesterday’s weight lifting workout and the knowledge that this post will be read by someone who will need this same reminder.

Right now is not easy for me but nothing worth having is. Today I will practice “right now” and I will leave the rest until it becomes the right now.