Written by Ann Brennan
“Stop apologizing,” my husband, daughter and sister keeps telling me. “This isn’t your fault. You don’t want to feel like this.”
And I understand that. I love them for getting that I am not choosing to be sad and mopey and scared of my own shadow. But I know that I am taking away from them. I am not the person they love. I am someone else. And I hate this person. How can they still love me?
So I was going to come here today and apologize for not being the inspiring and motivating Annie I like to be. But I am not going to do that because wouldn’t it be just ridiculous for me to act like it is all fine when I had to force myself out the door, when every step of my run/walk today was a chore? Wouldn’t it just be lying to tell you it was easy? It wasn’t easy but my daughter gave me a great piece of advice.
She said, “Eventually you learn the difference between what the depression wants and what you want and you have to choose what you want or the depression wins.”
At seventeen, she certainly is wise.
So today I chose. I wanted to run. I wanted to act like my life is normal. So I laced up my shoes and I headed out the door and I got my run/walk in. It was not pretty. It was not inspiring. And it certainly was not motivating but it happened. And today that is the best that I could do.
For those who have not seen the new 15% me here’s the video. It is very hard for me to watch because it is so different from who I have always been but I am sharing it today so you know how hard it is for this new Ann to get out there.
If you cannot see the video, please try refreshing your screen.
I will be back to normal. I have not doubt about that. I am, after all a Badass Tattooed Mom of Three.