I was just reading over some archived ARC posts looking for motivation to get out there in the cold and get this run in and I came across this post on my evolution of running. Interestingly, this post allowed me to give myself a bit of a break. Yes, I am still going to run, but there is no need to beat myself up for the time that I have taken off in the past few months.
By looking at how my motivations have changed over the years I realized that taking some time off to take care of myself emotionally fits in with this evolution just fine. Our lives evolve. Our priorities change and although my health remains a top priority I have come to learn that mental health is included in that mix and until I could get my head straight, get my medications organized and begin to feel human again, adding running to the mix was a mistake.
So today, as the rain began to drizzle, promising a downpour in a few short minutes, I headed out the door, not only ready for my run but ready to let go of my regrets, ready to accept my running evolution, the good and the bad, for what it is, what it has been and what it will become.
It was not a pretty run. My legs hurt, my lungs burned and I had to keep reminding myself that coming back from time off happens slowly then all at once. What I did not do was beat myself up. I did not allow negative talk to take control of my run and by refusing that negative self-talk, I found a new evolution to my running. Today I am running to come back, to find some peace within and help my body catch up with the work I have done with my mind.
It was not a pretty run, but it was a run and today that was all I needed.