For two years I have slowly put on a pound here, half a pound there. Although it was slow, it did not go unnoticed. But, the last time I lost weight it was sooooooo (continue that for a few pages and you will get the point) hard. I had to think about every little bite of food. I had to add extra workouts and work harder than I had ever worked before. (Read about that journey here) Could it really be worth the effort? Really?
For two years I decided that no, no indeed it was not. After all it was only a pound here, a half a pound there.
Then when I started really training for Ironman I did not want to think about it. It was too much to train for this incredibly life changing race AND have to worry about my weight. So, I stopped stepping on the scale and the truth is I didn’t gain anything. I mean, who could possibly gain weight while training 16+ hours a week?
The problem arose after Ironman. When I stopped working out as much but kept eating like I was. Boy oh boy is it easy to pack on the pounds with that combination. But, having gotten out of the habit of stepping on the scale I was able to deny that it was happening. Nope, not me, I am definitely not gaining weight.
Finally last week after deciding that it was really unreasonable to think that every single piece of clothing I owned had shrunk, I stepped on the scale and lo and behold, I had gained weight. – close to a thousand pounds. Okay maybe not a thousand pounds but you understand how it can feel that way, right?
Now what? I mean, losing weight is so freaking hard. Do I really want to take on this challenge? Couldn’t I just be fat and happy?
Of course not. And the truth is I am excited about this. Not about the thousand pounds but about the transformation. About seeing the weight drop because I am taking charge of my eating and eating has always been the problem.
Before, as the weight was slowly creeping up and I was so afraid of the work it would take, it was the work that I thought of. I didn’t think of the end result. I didn’t think about how good it felt to be in control, to watch the numbers fall each week, to put on a new piece of clothing bought as a reward for losing five or ten pounds. I didn’t think about that feeling you get when you look in the mirror and realize that it was your hard work that got you here. So, now I am thinking about that.
I know it will be hard, but that’s okay. I am ready for this and I really am not the fat and happy sort.